Active Listening Cheat Sheet

Active Listening Cheat Sheet
 
Listening Is
›  The cornerstone of all conflict and communication practices.
›  90% of the conflict process is about being a good listener.
The Opposite of Multitasking Is
›  Active Listening.
›  The ability to focus and attend to an outside speaker, while putting aside your ‘inside dialogue’ takes practice.
›  The earlier we start the practice the better.
Paraphrase
›  In your own words repeat back what you are hearing.
›  “So what I hear you saying is….”
›  “Hold on, let me just make sure I am getting this right….”
Reassuring Phrase
›  What else?
›  Is there something more you need to tell me?
›  Is there anything else I need to know?
›  Ok, and…?
›  Yeah, and…?
Examples of Paraphrasing Opener
›  “So what I hear you saying is….”
›  “Hold on, let me just make sure I am getting this right….”
›  What else?
›  Is there something more you need to tell me?
›  Is there anything else I need to know?
›  Ok, and…?
›  Yeah, and…?
What to Do With Feelings
›  Every feeling is important information.
›  Keep connected to your feelings as well as to the person you are listening to.
›  After the individual has had an opportunity to be heard and you have paraphrased information, you can make observations about the emotional state.
›  You are responsible for your own feelings.
First You Notice
›  I notice you are talking fast and your voice is squeeky.  Does this mean you are feeling excited?
›  I notice you are very quiet and your mouth is starting to quiver. What are you feeling right now?
›  You can’t stay still in your chair and your eyes are all over the place.  What’s going on for you right now?
Use Non Judgmental Language
›  Keep your words as neutral as you can.
›  Keep the focus on your observations vs. controlling the conversation
›  Allow the speaker to be in control of the conversation.
›  Continue to Reinforce the information and the felt experience within the information
Practice
›  This is a skill and with practice, over time, you can build your listening muscles.